Legal cartoons and humorous comment (c) Paul Brennan. All rights reserved.

I decided on 101 reasons as I didn’t want to depress the entire legal profession by having 1,001.
Paul Brennan, Lawyer, Sunshine Coast, Queensland, Australia

Falling crime rates

Q. Are falling crimes rates just another sign of the unreliability of this generation?

A. A growing number of prosecutors blame computer games such as Grand Theft Auto and Call of Duty, which have enticed the young to play out their violent, rapacious fantasies in the comfort of their own bedrooms rather than misbehave on the streets. One Attorney General told me “We were against violent computer games when they were first introduced, and we are against them now, we are just less sure how to explain why”.

Psychologists argue that it is the increase in One Parent Families which so often lack the presence of a violent father as a role model, also, that working mothers are just too tired and no longer at home to terrorise their teenage children and drive them out onto the streets.

While authoritarian governments see the absence of youth on the streets as a good thing other governments have coped with the decline by pretending that crime rates are going up in keeping with the public’s perception.

Parents who in the past have relied upon their teenage children to bring home the bacon and anything else that they could lay their hands on are facing financial hardship. The issue is compounded by their own parents who are retiring earlier and earlier; demanding attention and financial support. The solution is for retired parents to undertake shoplifting and mugging duties. Governments could set a generous limit to the amount that retired parents could steal before their Age Pensions are reduced.

Falling crime rates could be reversed by the adjustment of existing laws. For instance, change “threatening behaviour” to “looking at me in a funny way” and leave the rest up to police discretion. Who would not applaud the application of the terrorism laws to telemarketers?

By combining these simple changes with an increase in police numbers and a return to trumped up charges, the courts will be as busy as ever and no longer reliant on jobless youth.  

Extract from - My card "without prejudice" -advice on law and lawyers by John Fytit AO, lawyer to be published later this year.

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