Legal cartoons and humorous comment (c) Paul Brennan. All rights reserved.

I decided on 101 reasons as I didn’t want to depress the entire legal profession by having 1,001.
Paul Brennan, Lawyer, Sunshine Coast, Queensland, Australia

Life Going Nowhere?

Dear John

My life is going nowhere. Do I have a claim?


Dear PB

It is only when Life Going Nowhere (LGN) Non-Activists become radicalised that they discover that it is not their fault after all. After years of self-blame, they are ready to identify and denounce those who are really responsible e.g. parents, government departments, ex-girlfriends etc.

My advice is to choose one or more abusers and if you are wrong you can always change later. Your therapist can assist you through this process and help to apply an appropriate label such as LGN Abuse.

Although a lone voice, can generate some sympathy, to mount a legal claim you will need to encourage others to join you. With a subject such as LGN you should have no trouble, I feel like joining you myself.

Your motive must remain selfless. It is best to describe fellow sufferers as 'Survivors' which suggests overcoming adversity rather than malingering. The Survivors mission should be to assist other Survivors and prevent our children (especially the teenagers) from becoming victims. Remind them to remain humourless and easily offended at all times.

You will need a website, a trademark, t-shirts, posters, ribbons, social media consultants, but most of all, a generous travel allowance to organise the World LGN Abuse Summit. The prospect of foreign travel possibly in Bali should secure the support of family and friends who may have been sceptical up to that point.

Although the lawyers at the Legal Aid Department may empathise with you, legal aid is unlikely to be available initially anyway. Therefore, it will be necessary to raise money for necessary legal fees and other expenses.

It is important not to beg. Offer sponsorship, membership (platinum, gold, silver) and seek celebrity endorsement. There will be those who refuse to give. Rather than listing the people who give you money, list the people who do not.

Finally, find an LGN lawyer (there are no shortage) and select a jurisdiction with imagination such as America’s state courts.

John Fytit A.O.

(c) Paul Brennan 2013. All rights reserved. Extract from John Fytit’s International Legal Problem Page. For more go to

A book of advice given by John Fytit A.O. over the years will be published next year.

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