Legal cartoons and humorous comment (c) Paul Brennan. All rights reserved.

I decided on 101 reasons as I didn’t want to depress the entire legal profession by having 1,001.
Paul Brennan, Lawyer, Sunshine Coast, Queensland, Australia

Legal Advice about Sons to Mothers

Q. I have always been very proud of my son but now he tells me that he wants to put me in a home. 

A. You are not alone. Sons often egged on by wicked daughters-in-law start to give hints about retirement homes at any time after their mother's 55th birthday. 
Your lawyer will advise you of the 5 point  “We Are Staying Put, Son” (“WASPS”) strategy.  Use this to make your son’s interjections into your life a less pleasurable experience for him until he backs off.

  1. Hide all family heirlooms, rings, carpets, watches etc., to stop him visiting you just for the pleasure of inspecting them and declaring which ones will be his.
  2. If you cannot bring yourself to find an outspoken lesbian lover, invent one.   
  3. Adopt a poison Will clause.  This is similar to the “poison pill” strategy which companies use to avoid takeovers.  You  incorporate a clause in your Will which leaves you son’s share of your estate to someone else.  Even rich sons will baulk at the thought of their inheritance being left to say a donkey sanctuary.
  4. Stop taking hand outs from your son.  Bolster your income by taking in washing, playing more bingo, seeking out senior bargains or by simply taking a rich and preferably childless lover.
  5. Avoid displays of aggressive hatred especially those that lead to police involvement.  Any sign of mental instability may enable your son to take over your affairs.  Psychiatrists may be on your son’s side, they have mothers themselves.
As one godmother said “keep your enemies close and your adult sons even closer”.

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