101 Reasons to Kill All the Lawyers: Early Demise Opportunity

Assisted suicide may now be expressed as the less alarming “assisted dying”. However, we shall not see any significant benefit until euthanasia is embraced as an Early Demise Opportunity (“EDO”) by persons ready to make an empowered choice rather than seeing themselves as victims meeting an untimely and unfair end.

Counsellors and psychologists should stop convincing people to be survivors and start promoting death as quicker than cognitive therapy and far less painful than life itself. For the terminally offended death would be a release.

Victim status need not be abandoned but a higher commitment should be demanded to eliminate malingerers. What real victim would not relish being thrown to the lions before a jeering or (with training) disciplined and respectful crowd. This is not only an eco-friendly solution but could do wonders for zoo attendance. Organisers could seek church sponsorship so that stoic participants would have the prospect of being declared martyrs.

Provided no lions were injured or traumatised during this process, Demisees would be a welcome addition to the Live Export Trade to zoos worldwide or even Africa. What Baby Boomer could resist the lure of an all you can eat overseas trip? Obesity would no longer be an issue as people could eat as much as they wanted in the knowledge that one day they could be doing their bit for the starving lions of the Serengeti.

Although consent is desirable, with some Reluctant Tiresome Demisees (“RTDs”) there comes a time when the family must make the decision for them. This can be difficult but in many cases the family will quickly reach consensus. A Corrective Action Current Term (“CACT”) Plan should be prepared. For instance:

- Six months before Demise (“D”) Day the RTD’s money should be placed in Escrow to prevent last minute sprees.

- The Will should be examined and amendment encouraged where the terms are not acceptable to the family. This should significantly reduce post-death surprises leading to family conflict.

Euthanasia would not only relieve adult children of the cost and worry of caring for aged (or difficult) parents but we would all benefit from shorter queues at Andre Rieu concerts.