Q. The glossy information sheet which accompanied my new driving licence warned me to “try and keep it flat”, “not to deform it by cutting or hitting it” and “not to soak it”. Increasingly, my attention is being diverted by pointless information packaged in a way that invites attention. The duller the message, the greater the marketing subterfuge. Can the law offer any solution to these time wasting antics?
A. All content should be colour coded - red, white or blue. Red being worth reading, and blue being not worth reading. For instance, all legal documents produced by banks would be defaulted to blue with occasional white and red streaks to enable customers to hone in on the important parts and disregard the rest. Productivity would increase dramatically.
Then we could colour code our politicians and have three parliaments, blue being not worth listening to. Materials - red, white, or blue produced by politicians of any hue, would be removed to the appropriate parliament.
With colour coded TV channels, all the films and shows which receive bad reviews would be shown on a blue channel giving us all the opportunity to have evenings free of the usual rubbish.
There would be anomalies. For instance, some blue jokes may need to be reclassified as red, and red herrings would become blue. Brides may aspire to red weddings.
In order to enforce these laws, white and blue judges would be appointed to join the red judges. Cases would be allocated red, white or blue status purely on entertainment value.
This is not a new idea; the US Federal Courts have been colour coding their attorneys for some time. Submissions from blue attorneys are dismissed without a hearing. It has saved a lot of time and is being considered by courts all around the world.
Extract from - I'll have the law on you -unmitigated advice on law and lawyers by John Fytit AO, lawyer to be published later this year.